What if it was always true, that he was Putin’s puppet? 

                  Remember “the pee tape”? That unproven allegation – almost a decade ago now – and what a decade – in the famous “Steele dossier”? During the Nameless One’s 2013 visit to Russia to promote his Miss Universe contest something happened in a Moscow hotel room which Putin’s sleuths recorded for future persuasion. If true, that tape has got to be the highest-grossing movie ever – pre-release! My partisan fury insisted on the rumor’s truth – Jane, more temperate, said she’d wait for proof. Imagine – it’s not so hard – during one of their myriad cozy calls, Putin sliding into the chummy talk, pomni, moy dorogoy drug Donal'd (Remember, my dear friend Donald), like a curb bit yanked by a ruthless rider.

                  One can advance more usual, less seamy explanations for the Nameless One’s slavering sycophancy disguised as machismo (as persuasive as a seven-year-old strutting a double holster).  Lucrative development deals, say (The Trump Moscow!). Carving the globe into three juicy slices, one for each tyrant. A sumptuous spread of dachas for the family in case things didn’t work out. Or just a wannabe dictator’s warm tingle consorting with the real deal. (Oh, Xi, Kim Jong-Un, Orban, Vladimir, how I love thee …).

                  We may never know. But by his deeds we can be sure this dependency has been influencing the Nameless One’s squirmy lying wriggling from the start. Having elected – face it, friends – a Russian agent as our leader we couldn’t bear to confront the fact. He always wanted to destroy the free world, Europe especially (freedom? Arrrgh!). He always wanted Russia to win its ugly little war (and more wars to come).

                  Now we know. Faced with a crippling loss of power at home, the Nameless One is hustling to kneecap Ukraine while, as usual, pretending not to. Kneecapping Ukraine is not popular with Americans, even with his MAGA dupes, so the Nameless One must obfuscate, equivocate, flat-out lie, at which he’s a champ. No, he and his buddy Elon did not cut off Ukraine’s communications! (Of course not, his flunkies furiously chime!) No, he didn’t extend to old Vlad an economic lifeline which Congress had just expressly prohibited. No, he was not withholding aid and weapons. And of course, he’d host peace talks for this war… without Ukraine’s annoyingly plucky democratically elected leader in attendance!

                  If the pee tape isn’t jerking America’s leader like a puppet, it sure looks like it. And what, friends, is our intrepid Congress doing about it? I mean, in particular, our Republican Senators, panting to retain their majority in a few days? Are they courageously insisting Nyet to tyranny, Nyet to being blackmailed, Nyet to this betrayal of our democratic ideals?

                  Well, not so much. One or two departing Senators may be heard clearing their throats, but beyond that? Like Japan’s three famous monkeys, they see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. America would never twice elect – or their party thrice nominate – a traitor! How can anyone imagine such a thing!

                  I’ve convinced myself (ever the optimist) America will vomit out its vile leadership in a few days and commence a painful repentance for neglecting our birthright. Atop our list of horrors must be the willingness of elected leaders to ignore the obvious in their zeal to keep their jobs. Their cowardice should make our skin crawl. They knew what was going on – if they didn’t, they should have – and lied – or played dumb.

                  “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Mark 8:36.