My surprise in recent years has been the vileness of mankind.

Younger I believed in the essential goodness of most. There were bad apples, sure, but they were the exception. Misbehavers, ably schooled, would “come to their senses” and “see the light.” No one was irredeemable. Satan and Iago were stage characters, not plausible portraits.

Our recitations in church had suggested otherwise. There we confessed

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedwe have erred and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep,we have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts,we have offended against thy holy laws,we have left undone those things which we ought to have done,and we have done those things which we ought not to have done,and there is no health in us.

But wasn’t such majestic compunction proof of innate goodness? If we were “heartily sorry for these our misdoings,” how bad could we be?

I no longer believe in our essential goodness. Many people are bad through and through. Whether born bad or corrupted by rearing hardly matters, the stain cannot be rinsed. So we shouldn’t waste effort trying to fix them but spare our strength for the salvageable: discard and begin again.

Typing the preceding, I gulp. Is this really what I think? Or have the Nameless One and his goons trashed my spirit as they have our state?

Notions about governing begin with assumptions about human nature. America was predicated on optimism about the potential of our kind. We were born equal, commoner and conqueror. We did not need to be penned and herded like beasts, we could find our own way, we could govern ourselves. Notwithstanding our differences, even our antipathies, we could collaborate for the common good. This encouraging idea unleashed unprecedented energy – to discover, invent, improve – which whooshed backwater America to world dominance in a few centuries. America needed improvement – who doesn’t? – but not to be made “great again,” for we already ruled the roost.

What curdled our national mood? What turned us grim, gloomy, hostile, cruel? Weren’t we better than this once? What went wrong?

Sloth, pride, and greed I’d finger as culprits – though one might argue these are synonyms for the same condition. We got petty, petulant, stupid about how humans coexist. We forgot the Golden Rule. We came to view life not as a collaborative enterprise to better the collective but as a battle of each against each, which could only be won if someone else lost. We came to fear and hate one another, for all were adversaries, not teammates. We were not good deep down, but vile. Discard and begin again.

I view the daily disintegration of our nation with slack-jawed incredulity. More than the idiocy of our government’s initiatives, their meanness dumbfounds. Many of us, I suspect, refused to believe such vileness in power possible, so failed to take action to forestall it. We were kneecapped by hope.

Faith is a crystal vase, which, once shattered, cannot be restored. Oh, how I miss my old optimism, weep for it, as if at the graveside of a beloved. Life scarcely feels worth living if this is who we are.

Yet we must live – for those we love, make the most of our moment, defy our disappointment. No use crying over spilt dreams. Daily I roust myself from my despair, chiding like a drill sergeant. You hear me here.

The good news about bad times is they tenderize the soul. I am humbler, less cocksure, kinder than I was, more loving, needing to be loved in return: truly a penitent, pleading for forgiveness and grace.