Amidst mayhem, it’s hard to know what’s happening. All hell’s breaking loose, the world is falling apart, we clutch guardrails not to be whooshed overboard. An assassination attempt (unless it was staged?), a criminal indictment against the former President dismissed on risible grounds, one of the world’s richest dudes pledges $45 million a month to Trump’s campaign, the Supreme Court asserts Presidential immunity, a vile loudmouth with less than two years in office is nominated for Vice-President… I duck under my blanket, under the bed maybe, but no, it’s not safe there, either. Not since my cancer diagnosis sixteen years ago has my mind been so kidnapped into morbid speculation. I hate thinking about what’s happening and can’t think about anything else. My revved brain shrieks like a tire whirring in snow.

Am I panicking? I am. But where’s the good of that? Remember Kipling:

Yes, Carll, calm, it can’t be as bad as all that. Get a grip. One step at a time…

We are watching, it seems, the theft of America’s democracy in what’s called “real time.” Our enemies have caught us flat-footed, dumbfounded, commanded by a nice dottering old guy who believes in playing nice. The brilliance of our political structure – separation of powers, rule of law, voice of the people – was supposed to protect us from tyranny – but one by one our defenses seem to be melting like sugar in a flood. I don’t want to be awake at this hour writing this – or thinking about it – only, “Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”

Do I exaggerate? Misconstrue? Detect conspiracies in harmless shadows? Most likely. Fear flails, to steady itself. Others – some of you, perhaps – remain confident our system will “self-correct.” This is just a phase. Maybe the cancer isn’t “that bad.” Maybe “they got it all.”

Or maybe not.

What to do? How to be? I instruct myself.

1)    Do something. Do not wait helpless for the axe to fall. Do not succumb to either the excuse of helplessness (“What can I do?”) or exoneration of despair (“We’re all doomed anyway”).

2)    Distrust all you’re shown. Your TV lies – and lies – and lies. Candidates lie. Supreme Court Justices lie. Remember (in the words of General von Clausewitz): “A great part of the information obtained in War is contradictory, a still greater part is false, and by far the greatest part is of a doubtful character. What is required of an officer is a certain power of discrimination…” This is war.

3)    Keep your hate hot and your faith kindled like a votive candle in a dark apse. Mendacity, avidity, cruelty can never be OK.

4)    Don’t give up. It’s tempting to stomp away disgusted “with the whole lot of them – a plague on all your houses!” Resist the urge. Things can get worse – and will, if you quit the field.

5)    Remember who you are. Or (to put the same advice differently): Conduct yourself as if God were watching.

6)    Hush with your whining. (Am I whining now?)

These are scary times. It is right to be scared. But criminal to scram. Waste not a moment on finger-pointing. Suit up, bear arms.

These words are mine.